In a home with 4 kids, ages five and under, one would expect a bit of chaos. When 3 of those kids are the exact same age, there seems to be a bit more. At least that’s been my experience. More messes, more clothes, more demands. Just more of everything that begins to drive me to hiding in the laundry room for a few minutes of peace.

Over the past few years, I’ve fought against the chaos and I’ve fought against my kids. And I’ve lost on almost every single level. The chaos is here to stay. So I can make a choice to either embrace it or to fight against it.

I choose to embrace the chaos. To learn what I can from it.

It took me awhile to be okay with that, and some days I’m still not. You see, there’s something that I’ve learned: I am not in control, ever, and that’s a good thing. My children have taught me more about God than I can only hope to teach them. Their chaos is an everyday reminder of how I’m not in control and I have to trust that God is, in everything.

• The chaos reminds me that even when I can’t hold it together, I don’t have to, because God does. {1 Peter 5:7}

• The chaos reminds me to just stop and enjoy the little people who are creating it, because it won’t be like this for long. {Ecclesiastes 3}

• The chaos reminds me to look beyond the picture-perfect expectations, because there’s no way to get this many little ones to look at the camera at the same time AND smile. {Colossians 3:1-2}

• The chaos reminds me to put no stock in earthly riches, because obviously with kids things get destroyed. {Matthew 6:19-20}

When I’m there, standing amidst the couch cushion tower and the screaming banshees, I try not to look at how much picking up there is to be done. Instead, I try to look at the little ones who are making the chaos — how this one is organizing the efforts, and that one is asking the one who just fell from the 5’ tower of cushions if they’re all right, and I figure it can’t be complete chaos if there is still love.

Just as my children are the chaos in my life, I am the chaos that Christ died for. Me and all the infinite messes that I make, the squabbles for power, and having it all my way. Instead of the chaos, I now see God at work in my heart and the hearts of my children. I’m okay with not being in control, of simply existing in the chaos, because I know that no matter how chaotic my home may be, God is still in control.

As long as it’s just my house that’s in chaos — that my children’s hearts are ordered for Christ as they should be — then we’re doing okay. While chaos and I will never be friends, I can embrace the One who even has the chaos in His control, and that’s honestly the only way it should be.